Shakespeare Rocks 0r Loving from a Distance

This may not make a difference to anyone else, but I have noticed that sometimes I have a tender heart towards so many people or groups of people that I don't know very well, but I can be critical or judgemental of those closer to me. Why does this matter?  Well, think about this...

I hear the precious stories of my friend's daughter going to Swaziland and working with poor children and orphans in a poverty stricken, AIDS torn land. And it breaks my heart.  I am filled with love and concern for these sweet kids.  I see photos and TV news clips of tatted teenagers rapping vulgar songs, and I grieve for the emptiness I suspect they experience.  I notice elderly people deliberating over the smallest of decisions at the grocery store or questioning their bank teller at the local bank. Or I see couples I don't know rounding up kids to go to the grocery store, church, a ball game or shopping.

I see all of these things, and each one touches my heart. And I think, "Yes, the world keeps going 'round. "  I have a heart of understanding for so many people, and I am so accepting of any eccentricities.  Not only accepting, but entertained.  I love these people.

But I also want to be clear that there is a second group of folks that I trust.  And if I trust you I love you.  This group of people in my life can do little wrong, and I understand their good days and bad days as well as their quirks.

A friend of mine puts a poster out in my HOA message window every couple of weeks, and the most recent one explains this situation for me in a much simpler way than all my words above.  It's not scripture, but maybe it could be?

Love many,
Trust a few,
Do wrong to no one.
~ Shakespeare 

('fix' is my favorite colloquialism)

Like "I'm gonna fix breakfast." Or "I am fixin' to leave."  Or even "That broken table needs fixed."  In fact, I may name my next pet Fix.

CARE - Grassroots education reform

If we truly engage in the challenge of transforming education with the assistance of the technological tools we have invented, then we will have gone a long way toward building a future in which we can all thrive. Our challenge, quite simply, is to use our tools to prepare people for their future, not for our past. ~Thornburg

THE People for Me

Left to right: Clayton Travis, MaryAlice Ruth, Gregory Scott, Jay. Taken on the hottest and happiest day of my year at a Ranger game in August of 2010. I have to respect their privacy and not write gushy notes about my devotion and adoration of them, but I will indulge in the favorite family picture.

Board Member of the HOA - NOT my Divine Calling

Three years and 12 days ago I moved from my home in Woodlawn to a house in Stonebridge.  Even when Ali and I were  sleeping at Don and Jerry's and the boys were sleeping in the motor home in the driveway during the remodel, I knew I was home.  Our first Sunday morning, I walked out the front door and the combination of the moist humid morning, the honeysuckles and Folgers coffee smelled just like my mimi and pawpaw's house in Watervalley, Mississippi.  I was home.  We lived there for 8 years and I was sad to leave.

However, we moved to a beautiful, small neighborhood that I had always admired from a distance. Since we moved just a couple of weeks before school started, I had to unpack and settle in quickly.  As our first few months passed, I thought it would be nice to get involved in the community of the HOA, and on the same day that I defended my dissertation, I was elected as a member of the Board of Directors of the Stonebridge HOA.

Honestly, the drama of this position is beyond description.  Board members get mad at me, get mad at each other, get mad at their neighbors over issues like how long the sprinklers run, whether or not homeowners keep their trashcans out in front of their garage, parking in the street, airsoft guns, four wheelers, guards or no guards, flowers, Christmas decorations, signs, weeds, trees...everything. And some of these frustrations might be legitimate.

Very quickly I realized that I want to be on the HOA board about as much as I want to be on a church board.  Being too close to the machine that makes an organization work is harmful to happiness unless you are called to that position.  I feel called to be neighborly and involved in my neighborhood, but not in a leadership capacity.

The fact that I wrote about this for one of my fifty posts amazes me.  Really?

234 page baby. I cry just writing about it ;-)

My dissertation just waiting the in mailbox for one of my committee members to take home and read.
OSU faculty mail box.

Yes, I began the entire process in 2003 after talking with a friend of mine who suggested I enroll at OSU as a 'special student' and then just segue into the program of my choice.  Not sure that I wanted to pursue a terminal degree (that sounds like a terminal illness), I thought that maybe having another child would be great for my life and our family.  

When I suggested to Jay that I wanted to either have another child or earn my doctorate, he had one word for me: Enroll.  ;-) So, on a beautiful November day in 2002, I made my first drive to Stillwater, and met with Dr. Thomas Warren, Director of the Technical Writing program in the English Department.  He suggested I take Online Documentation in the Spring of 2003, so I tromped over to Whitehurst and applied to the university and graduate college.  That's where it all began.

I took one or two classes each semester, and my learning curve was steep.  The first time I had to make a presentation to the class, I was extremely nervous.  Writing papers sent me around the bend.  By the end of the fall of 2005, I was ABD in my Tech Writing PhD program, and the Spanish proficiency was escaping me.  I took a break from the program for one semester, and by the fall of 2006, I had decided to change gears and move to the College of Education.

That was a match made in heaven because I knew I wanted to stay in Higher Ed, and my tech writing background matched beautifully with my interests in  online learning and instructional technology.  So... in January 2007, just after returning from a wonderful trip to Italy, I began my work in COE.  I took more classes for four semesters and a summer and then I was ready for the dissertation.  

My incredible advisers lead me through my research and writing, and on March 4, 2010, I defended that 234 page baby in the longest defense on record.  Seems everyone was interested in what I had to say about learning to teach online. My diss advisor Skyped in for the defense because her husband was in ICU in Oklahoma City.  Amazing. Blessed.

After sending me out of the conference room during their final discussion, Dr. Harris stepped out and said, "Congratulations, Dr. Case."  I cry just writing about it.  

Peace - Does it outdistance me?

In Hebrew, in English and in Arabic - Go in Peace. I saw this sign (or monument) as I was leaving the Dead Sea in Israel. Peace constantly outdistances Israelis and Palestinians, but as I consider this at a personal level, I realize I can have as much peace as I am committed to working for. I wish I could make a difference in the world towards peace among races, nationalities and religions.

Another blog I kept is one from my January 2011 trip to Israel and Jordan.  The trip was more than I had ever expected -- I thought it would just be "And this is where Moses said...  And Jesus performed a miracle right here... " It was so much more. Spiritual. Cultural. Political. Beautiful.

• And the blog address is: http://theholylandinjanuary.blogspot.com/ 

Stephoni's Tulips

 

These lovely tulips were in the flowerbed under my dining room window. I had about 200 of them blooming like crazy.  Within hours of taking this photo we had a huge (I mean HUGE) wind storm and all that was left were 200 green sticks that used to hold tulip petals. The tulips are beautiful, but the wind makes me want to move to Mississippi.

Lynyrd Skynyrd 2011

One time in a small group, a Bible study no less, and  the leader asked all of us 'ladies' to share something about ourselves that others might not know.  People were sharing stuff like how much they weighed, how much caffeine they consumed, and distaste for domestic duties.  One other person and I were renegades and took a chance on being completely honest.  I was first and I told everyone that they may not realize that I loved rock music. And I listened to it loud in the car whether my kids were there or not. Your basic great guitar, loud beat, kick ass rock and roll.  [I didn't say 'ass' to the group of ladies.]

That said, you have to know that Jay and I have been to some great concerts.  Aerosmith. ZZ Top, REO Speedwagon, Styx.  Back in the day I even went to Black Sabbath and Van Halen. Along with Ted Nugent.  Just to name a few...  I would like to list them all here, but I don't know what you would think. 

My ultimate group is Lynyrd Skynyrd.  I love most of their songs except 'Freebird.'  (I know, everyone else looooves Freebird, but I think only the guitar and piano are worth listening to on that one.) I like their sound and their instrumentals.  I like it all. Every person should start their day listening to 'Sweet Home Alabama.'  You can imagine my delight when in the summer of 2011 I finally got to hear the youngest VanZant and Ricky Metlock sing at the Zoo Amphitheater.   Oh my stars.  They were fabulous.  And my joy is completely obvious in the photo our DINK concert neighbors took of us just before the drunk senior citizen fell on us all.

Trash art

It is clear to me (and probably others) that I have a unique sense of beauty.  I do love art - particularly European art, and I think I have an eye for beauty in many things.  This scene, in a movie theater bathroom, was beautiful to me.  The balance of the paper towels atop the trash can was just too impressive to pass up.  I thought that only four stragglers on the floor was impressive; many, many hand washers had carefully placed their paper towels on top of each other.  The trash can is the center of the photo, but the asymmetrical symmetry of the dispensers, and the austere cleanliness of the tile added up to bathroom beauty, in my opinion.

Brownies and Bacon for Dinner

Eating healthy is great, and most of the time I do eat very healthy. I don't know why I do this because the rest of my family has a tragic and unhealthy diet. At the rate they are going, I will outlive them all. So sometimes I just eat brownies or bacon or peanut butter fudge ice cream for dinner. And it is wonderful.

Status is relative...

Or when you have to scale down. Or when you don't have the money for something.  I have observed, and it has been my experience, that no matter what I have by way of a home or vehicles or jewelry or family or  money in the bank -- there are always people who (1) have less than I do and (2) people who have more than I do. Maybe I have just built my first new home, and I feel like it's just the nicest home around; then I find out a friend I don't see very often has just build a home that's twice the value of mine in a more exclusive neighborhood. Or maybe it seems like everyone drives nicer, newer cars than we do.  And maybe we have money in the bank. No matter what you have, it's easy to feel blessed or smug when you have more than others that you are watching.  It's also easy to feel resentful or jealous of another group that has more than you have.

So, my point is this: Be a little bit self-centered and keep your eyes on yourself.  Your own home, your own vehicles, your own jewelry, your own family and your own money in the bank. Your own kids and their lives. Embrace your life and your blessings. Embrace yourself.  Work on your own stuff and try really hard not to even think about other people and their stuff.  I have found that I have a lot more happiness when I see the good in what I am and what I do have.  Kind of a 'count your blessings' theory.  I like that theory - there is peace in it.

You is kind, You is smart, You is important

As Abilene taught Mae Mobley this truth, millions of readers and viewers of The Help absorbed the truth with tears of happiness and tears of sadness.  The tears of sadness were because Mae Mobley's own mother was indifferent to the value of her daughter.  The tears of happiness were because Abilene valued the life and spirit of Mae Mobley and shared that value each morning as she had the little girl repeat those words.

I want to repeat those words to myself each day.  I would like to remind myself that I do have a warm and gracious heart for others.  And I really do need to remind myself that I am smart and can think and figure things out pretty darn good.  And I have to admit that I want to know that I am important.  I'd like to be important to other people.

Value.

Change & Phrases I am sick of...

...if you will
....moving forward
...I am the kind of person
...quite frankly
...very moral
...change

These phrases are used by all kinds of people in my life, and mostly the phrases just irritate me.  As I look over the list, it does seem as if they have a patronizing sheen to them.  When a financial advisor keeps saying to me and Jay, "Consider this scenario, if you will." Or when politicians repeatedly state, "We are moving forward," I translate that to mean "We are now doing what I want to do -- and of course it's right, and I am leaving you in the dust of your incorrect thoughts and philosophies."

Sometimes I hear people say, "I am the kind of person who likes to be open and honest." I really don't believe that but that's another posting.  Don't tell me the kind of person you are -- let me figure that out.  I can think.  I can get to know you, and I can decide for myself what kind of person you are.  If I want to know, I'll ask. [BTW - chances are I'll like you.]

Quite frankly is, quite frankly, annoying.  Makes me think of MASH and Frank Burns.

Very moral is like being very pregnant.  Either you are moral/pregnant or you are not.  I am not sure you can ride the line on either issue.

The word 'change' upsets me also.  Obama ran on a platform of Change.  There are groups out there -  Chance to Change. We sing Christian worship songs, "Change my heart, oh God." In my understanding of the word 'change' - it can be positive or negative.  Good or bad.  Every time I hear the word change used, I bristle and think that the word 'change' isn't not specific enough.  I want a word for change that connotes 'change for the better' and another word for 'change' that connotes 'change for the worse.' What if my heart is just fine the way it is?

Of course, what I am realizing is that I need to accept the fact that in American English, 'change' has evolved into a word that indicates a maneuver for good.  When all these folks say change, think change, and sing change, they really do mean to move forward to a better way.  I need to lighten up and accept this change about change. ;-)

What do you expect to happen?

When I think about the ways we talk to others sometimes, I often consider the 'outcomes' I expect. Behavior modification might be the basis of some communication.

So... If I tear into someone (my kid, a driver, someone I work with) what do I expect them say? How do I expect them to respond?

Consider these scenarios:

• Mother to her son: "What are you thinking? What kind of crazy/stupid/bonehead decision was that?    He is going to say, "Thank you, Mom, for helping me realize I need to make a different decision and be a better person. I will go to college and will manage my time to where I can study 3 - 4 hours per day."
• Driver to other drivers: "Idiots!" The bird. Other drivers are going to hear or see your anger and think to themselves, "That was really inconsiderate on my part.  I need to speed up, use a signal, get out of the left lane and yield to all other drivers so that traffic will flow more smoothly."
• Sister to her brother: "I am sick of you. How would you like me to kick you in the face?" And the brother says to her, "I don't want you to be sick of me.  I want to be a good brother so that we can have a great relationship, and so you won't kick me in the face. That would hurt, and I really do love you."

So I am being open and direct here.  When you want something from another individual, first think about IF that person can even give you what you are wanting.  THEN think about how you could communicate with him or her to get what you think should be delivered.  Is that being manipulative?  Maybe, but it's also being a good communicator and thinking about how to get the desired outcome.  Hopefully the desired outcome is honorable and in the best interest of humankind.  If it's not then maybe I/you/everyone should just not say anything.

On Loss. (Read this one a couple of times and slowly.)

"If some lives form a perfect circle, others take shape in ways we cannot predict or always understand. Loss has been part of my journey, but it has also shown me what is precious. So has a love for which I can only be grateful." 


~from Message in a Bottle


My life has taken shape in unpredictable ways, and I certainly don't understand much of it.  And loss (or confusion or hurt) have been part of that journey and have distilled what is precious and dear to me.  Yes, I am grateful.

I love my tattoo but I won't get another one.

April 26, 2008.

The day after my last doc class, I commemorated the accomplishment with a tattoo.  Actually, I wanted a tattoo long before it was cool to get one, and it was 20 years before I received Jay's blessing on the event.  It took me forever to decide on the pattern and the color and the artist... but I had not one bit of preparation for the 17 minutes of PAIN I would endure to have this become a permanent part of my self.  It was worth it, and I would do it again.  

I drink and swear too much to be on the church board

I knew that title would get your attention! LOL. It's true though.  Since drinking and swearing are important issues to some, I know that leading our wonderful church by being on the board could be a disaster. The intensity of my heart is to reach others with the gentleness and comfort of God's sweet love, So I opted to let others enjoy serving on the board while I lived and served in reality.

The best way I heard this philosophy expressed was in a sermon at this same church.  The title was: Will I choose LOVE or LAW ?  The law worries and frets about details of habit or of culture, and the law really enjoys focusing on consequences.  Oh yes, the consequences.

Love focuses on relationship with Christ.  The kind of relationship that is a quiet place of security and exchange.

Yes, I choose Love.

I love clocks... What does that mean?

I really think that it means I love beauty with a function.  Clocks have unique characteristics.  Some are very ornate, some are simple and essential and contemporary in design.  I have seen little lady-like clocks made of porcelain with flowers painted on, and I have seen Big Ben looming over London with its large black hands and the gilded numerals.

I have at least one clock in every room of my home.  Not just the digital clock on the bedside table or the kitchen microwave, but an analog clock that might even chime.  I have a grandfather clock in the living room, and a quartz clock set in a Waterford crystal column on my dressing table.  Just to name two.  And I can't leave out the clock I bought in memory of Mimi and PawPaw. It sits on my kitchen counter by the beautiful plate and our family money drawer. And the grandmother clock in my study. They are beautiful and they tell me the time of day.

So maybe that's why I love clocks.