Life Verse

Psalm 63:7


"Because You, oh Lord, are my help, I will sing beneath the shadow of your wings.


At every level
Every day
This scripture captures what I need to know.


One more --

Deuteronomy 31:8

The LORD is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.

When Bad Things Happen To Good People

I have read this book  -- parts of it I have read 2 or 3 times.  Here's an excerpt from the very end of Chapter 3:

• Residual chaos, chance and mischance, things happening for no reason, will continue to be with us...we will simply have to learn to live with it, sustained and comforted by the knowledge that the earthquake and the accident, like the murder and the robbery, are not the will of God, but represent that aspect of reality which stands independent of His will, and which angers and saddens God even as it angers and saddens us.
• The psalmist writes, "I lift mine eyes to the hills; from where does my help come?  My help comes from the Lord, maker of Heaven and earth." Psalm 121:1-2.  He does not say, "My pain comes from the Lord," or "My tragedy comes from the Lord."  He says, "My help comes from the Lord."

Favorite Words

Yes, I have favorite words.  Words are my thing.  If I am ever in a conversation with someone and they are hesitating or searching for the word, I will usually offer a suggestion.  Usually others take the word I put out there because it's just the right word.  It's my gift.

1. diminish - I won't diminish her value...
2. supper - This word just sounds more friendly than dinner.
3. done - This word rarely happens in my life, but I still like it
4. Sense of Place - Eudora Welty initiated this idea in literature as she offered reasons for connections people had with the South
5. emerge - As in 'what emerged from the data' or ' what emerges from that exchange'
6. champion (used as a verb)
7. celebrated (used as an adjective) 

Child of God

Of all my titles - mom, wife, daughter, friend, doctor, teacher, sister - the title that makes all other titles possible is 'Child of God.'  I read this in the acknowledgments of Susan's dissertation, and I only had to read it once to have it seared on my heart.

I need the Lord, and being His child is the basis of my continued existence.

Give What You Would like to Receive

When I want to people to listen to me... I will listen to them.
When I want kindness and affection... I will be kind and affectionate.
When I want smiles and laughter... I will smile and laugh.
When I want gifts...I will give gifts.
When I want mercy...I will give mercy.
When I want forgiveness...I will give forgiveness.

(There is a theme here.)

I can be right or I can be happy

No truer words.

Think about this.  If you are right and you insist that everyone know that you are right, you will live a life of misery.  Everyone else is driving incorrectly.  Everyone else is not thinking clearly or functioning efficiently.  Everyone else is completely thoughtless.  Everyone else is in your way -- is in everyone's way. Everyone else needs to vote This Way.  Everyone else needs to hear this story. Go to this church. Read this book. Eat this food.  Get this job.... Being the only one who is right is a sad state of existence.

So choose 'Happy Instead.'  The line is moving slow. So what.  That person just used her cell phone in public and spoke loudly.  Big deal.  That taxi driver might be late getting me to the airport. Okay. The coffee at that restaurant sucks.  Then bring your own.  No one else washes the car, and the parking lot is always packed. That relative makes terrible decisions. Those children are making noise.

Happy Instead is much better than being right and irritable.  Certainly better than being self-righteous. It would be a lot easier for me to live by this if my kids kept their rooms clean.

Nearly Losing a Child

On February 20, 1009, I was sitting in Jan Chafey's living room talking with her about a job interview I had scheduled for the next week.  Jay reached me on my cell phone and told me in a shaken voice told me that Scott had been in an accident with a horse and that he was being taken to the emergency room.  In the final moments of training a horse, the animal rared up and lost his balance. Scott managed to get out of the way of the saddle horn, but he was caught under the animal.  A girl and two boy scouts were able to robe the legs of the horse because it was in shock.  Then the boys lifted the legs while the girl dragged Scott out. He thought he had just really strained his back.I wish...

I met them at Deaconess and it was awful to see my son on his hands and knees to try to relieve the pain.  Since he didn't go in an ambulance, he had to wait in the waiting room for 2 hours. I will never return to Deaconess.  Once he was taken back, the crew realized the severity of his injuries. X-rays indicated that he had a broken back and punctured lung and damaged nerves in his leg. They made me leave his side when they inserted the chest tube because of his screams.

I held together strong until that moment when they put him in the ambulance to take him to OU Trauma Center. The siren screeched on and I let out a sob and could not stop crying.  He reached his right hand over his head and with his eyes closed told me he was going to be okay. It was 2 a.m. He had barely escaped with his life.  Two days later he would have back surgery that included 6 rods and 12 screws.

Getting fired at 47

Losing my job at a private Christian university after 18 years of service was the most emotionally devastating experience of my life.  I was committed to the university -- to the students, to the integration of faith and learning, the the lifestyle commitment, to other faculty and to teaching writing with my whole heart.  I didn't just teach Comp and Tech Writing.  I studied the craft of teaching writing.  I learned and practiced how to engage students in the process and help them develop their writing skills.  I think I was pretty good.

However, I had been officially full-time only three years, even though I had taught a full load many years prior. When this non-tenure granting institution decided to reposition itself - I was one of four full timers who did not receive a contract for the following year.  Or in other words, I was fired.  

Devastated doesn't begin to describe my feelings. Walking to 'the meeting' in the library, driving home, the hammer of my heart as I struggled . .  are resounding memories.  The pitiful looks from former colleagues as they watched me navigate that gauntlet is something I would like to be able to forget. But I can't.  I made it home and went straight to bed.  Jay came home from work early. I cried and sobbed.  My children were very compassionate.  

It would take many many paragraphs to detail the weeks and months following this event, but to say that the reasoning and the actions taken by the university were absolute crap is the gentlest comment I can make.  Now, two years following this massive repositioning, the university is in no better position than it was in the spring of 2009.  No better off.  

The good news? Yes there is good news!  I am in a much much better position than I was as an employee of that institution. Professionally, personally and financially better. Hurt like hell, but ultimately they did me a favor. I am thankful I can now say I wish the best for that institution and for my dear friends that remain there. God bless them all. It took a while to achieve this peace.  

On Learning

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 2009

On learning...

It's a train trip with no destination.  I never arrive anywhere -- just take another turn in the road/path/tracks.  One of my conflicts in being a teacher is that I feel like it's presumptuous of me to 'teach' -- the very word implies that I have knowledge that I should impart to others, so they can be knowledgeable too.  

I find that I am always learning so much....learning about information, history, culture, government. Learning about accepting others, learning about thinking, learning about what's precious, learning how to listen, how to communicate. I have so much more to learn.

I wrote this note about learning in a journal blog two years ago. Interesting that I had already decided to post about it in my 50th birthday blog.  

LEARN. The word that summarizes my work right now and my goals. I have lots of subjects and issues I am curious about. I am also trying to learn more about how I am. And I am learning about how students learn.  That's a biggie.

So, as I talk to my Ed Tech class at OSU, I preach my Learn sermon.  And that sermon basically tells them that their #1 objective in every moment of every day is for their students to learn. Stake a claim in academia, note the objective and then -- make all events of the day lead to learning.  If teachers can keep their objectives in focus, their students will learn so much.  And so will the teacher ;-)


Also, it's okay for teachers to learn from their students. And it's okay for students to know 'more' than their teacher. For me, that is when my best learning has occurred.

Rejection by someone you love(d)

I have been divorced for 22 years.  It's been so long since I divorced, that I hardly think about it any more.  But during the declining years of my first marriage and the first several years following the divorce,  I struggled with guilt and shame for failing to maintain the commitment I had pledged. About three years after the divorce, I was reading in the Old Testament about how Moses was the judge of all the issues the Israelites brought to him.  It grew to be too much for him to manage the entire judicial system of Israel, so he set up smaller 'courts' for other judges to manage.  But special cases were taken to Moses for ruling. 

   

There are several external factors that lead to the divorce, but in my heart I felt rejected.  Ultimately rejected. And now as I reflect back on that marriage, I never felt the level of love and acceptance and confidence that I have in the marriage I share with Jay.  My hope and prayer is that my children will benefit from growing up in this positive family and that - if they marry -- they will be part of successful and happy marriages themselves.  

As I thought through my divorce, I found comfort in considering that while fundamentalists expected me to stay in that marriage regardless of the 'external circumstances,' God had heard my special case and He understood. Even though it still felt tragic, I also felt absolved.

Ireland -- Mississippi on the east side of the Atlantic

In 2008 we took a dream trip to Ireland.  And I loved it as much as I thought I would.  The people, the landscape, the food, the music and the B&Bs.

I did, in fact, keep a travel blog to Ireland also.

• http://irelandinmay.blogspot.com/ 

OSU & The Center for School Business Management. A fresh start with a great place.

Just a few hours before I defended my dissertation, the chair of the School of Educational Studies called and offered me the job I had been trying to get for three months! Program Manager for OCSBM. A custom fit for me, and I am thankful every day that my advisory board and the people at OSU took a chance on me and brought be me on to continue with the professional development training for school business officials across the State of Oklahoma. My new friends and associations are incredible ;-)

I produce 14 workshops a year (like 14 weddings) on all topics related to the finance and business side of public education.  I get to work with people at the State Department of Education, education leaders around the state, all Oklahoma school districts, and Ed Leadership people at OSU.

And because of my research interests, I have been asked to teach various courses at OSU each semester.  Online Pedagogy and School Finance for grad students.  Ed Tech for undergrads.  

Being part of a huge institution and contributing to the big picture of education in the state is an enormous honor and blessing for me.  I could not have anticipated this twist in my life, but I am so very thankful. And much to the dismay of my sons, I loooove OSU. Go Pokes!!

Mother said #2: RESPECT

My mom always said, 'You may not love me, but you will respect me.'  The same great advice was shared from Chuck Swindoll.

Now I love this thing my mom said when it's related to raising children and teaching them obedience. Chuck and my mom were right on track. Our kids do learn by accountability.

This nugget of advice changes color a little bit when dealing with adults.  One adult can't force another adult's respect. They may think they are forcing respect but they are really forcing fear.

As adults, the best way to get respect is to HAVE respect for yourself. Respect your own thought and your own feelings. Respect your opinion and your strengths. Respect your right and the joy of being your unique self!

Mother Said #1: TALKING ABOUT OTHERS

My mom always said 'If you can't say something nice about someone, then don't say anything at all.'

But sometimes I might just be itching to say something mean and nasty about someone.  Especially if it makes me appear even more perfect.  Or if it hurts the reputation of person I am about to say something about. If that person had hurt me or upset me, then it's very tempting to use words as sticks and stones.

I wonder if many conversations wouldn't lag tremendously if everyone lived by what my mother said.

The Pope Defines Christianity best (in my opinion)

May we celebrate his life by living as he taught.  ~ The Pope on Christmas Eve 2010

I believe this defines Christianity. 
May - intimates that we choose.  We choose how we will live, how we will relate to Christ and to others.
We - All. Everyone.  Anyone.  One in the bond of love... It's collaborative
Celebrate - Enjoy. Show joy. Say something.  Smile.  "Before the rocks cry out, I just have to praise Him."  Why?  I don't know.  I don't understand that magnet of interest that lead me to commitment to Christ.  But even though I don't understand it, it does indeed exist.
His life. The person.  The Savior.  His life on earth.  His life in our hearts. His entry.
By Living. By living.  Even the Pope suggests we live.  LIVE.  Christians are not dead.  They are not quiet.  They are not cold.  Christians are living, breathing, happy, sad, vibrant creations.  Saved.
As. Just like.  2000+ years ago but the lessons, the theology, the relationships are all still available to me.  And to you.
He. Yes, the Bible always refers to Christ as male.  The God-man was male.  Whether or not the heavenly God or the Holy Spirit are male, I don't know and I don't care.  I do care that He exists and is willing to embrace me. Body, mind and spirit.
Taught. Jesus is my teacher. My rabbi.  His pedagogy works in my life.  "Be still and know that I am God."

I am afraid to fly so I write letters

Writing letters to travel by.  My fear of flying started when I had kids and realized life was incredibly fragile. And I don't understand how flying works for birds or planes.  I 'crashed' on the flying issue when I was flying back from Birmingham one January and my plane was on the tarmac for two hours.  There was a blinding snow and ice storm at DFW, and the pilot was having the plane de-iced while waiting to take off.  During all of this wait, the battery of the plane died, and the pilot made some kind of announcement like, "We'll charge this battery back up and try to take off."  Oh holy cow.  I started to cry and then I couldn't stop.  The flight attendant let me off the plane and I took a train back to OKC.

Interestingly enough, that flight was canceled two hours later, and I was well on my way to OKC while the others were stuck in Dallas.  After that, I took medicine to fly so that I wouldn't lose control again -- in fact, I just slept.  The pills were cheaper and neater than drinking my way from one hub to another.

As time has gone on and I am flying more for business, I am doing better.  I take medicine less and less, and I figure that if the plane goes down, the world will continue on.  My kids are old enough to be okay, but I still want to be that voice in their heads.  I always tell Jay that I will haunt him when I am gone ;-)

Another coping strategy has been to write letters (long ones) to each of my kids before I leave for one of my trips. This gives me opportunity to impart my last words of wisdom and love to them, and it's very comforting.  When I get over my fear of flying, I'll have to think of another excuse to write these letters because they are so  precious to me.  I love to think about each one of them and write my heart to them.

On one of my trips, I spoke with Scott right before I left and told him the letters were in the utility room by the laundry detergent.  He said, "Now do we read them when you leave or just if you die?"  Kids are perfect.

Trust

Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved. Because you do not know that I love you, you cannot trust me. ~ the Holy Spirit in The Shack

Giving Value to Others

I hope it's not too self-serving to write about this, but I kinda think giving value to others may be my talent.  I would still love to be an awesome musician or a famous writer or even a leader of sorts, but those talents may not ever materialize for me.   My talent or gift of giving value to others is something I feel deep down inside, and I love this.  Jay always says I would invite Attila the Hun for dinner, and he might be right. Giving value to others and making them feel important and accepted is not such high-profile talent, but I like that I see the good and the value in almost everyone.  I see their hearts and their intentions and their vulnerabilities.  I really like to make sure others feel that sense of value -- it makes them happier and makes the world a better place.  

Bugs in the Quiche

Dedicated to Heather and Todd

I have told this story a few times -- but not until several years had passed after the event.  It's one of my favorites. I invited Todd and Heather over for dinner in the fall of '93. It was a busy week day, and I had a baby in tow, so at the last minute I was putting a quiche in the oven and hoping I had enough stuff for a salad.  Well, I came to the part where I needed to add nutmeg to the egg mixture, and I was out of nutmeg. (How could that happen?)  From the recesses of my mind, I recalled an old spice rack that I had received as a gift in 1981. It was in the bottom of the drawer under my oven.  I uncovered that spice rack and sure enough, there was a bottle of nutmeg!

I opened the little plastic lid that was supposed to look like wood, ripped off the seal that was on the top and dumped a tablespoon of the spice into my mixture.  Only problem was that over the years some little tiny bugs had lived and died in this bottle of nutmeg.  And now little tiny bug body shells were in my quiche mixture, and I had company company arriving in less than an hour. What should I do?

Well, I quickly skimmed out as many bug shells as I could, I stirred the mixture thoroughly and poured it into the pie shell and baked it. And we had it for dinner. Everyone said it was delicious.

I decided that since I was willing to eat quiche with bugs in it that it would be okay to serve it to my guests.  We have all lived happy and healthy lives since.

My Italy Blog - here's the link

In January 2007, right before I began doc work in the College of Education, I took a trip to Italy.  It was the first time I ever kept a travel blog, and I was hooked!  Since that trip, my blogging expertise has grown, and I have blogged via email and text messaging.  It's wonderful.

• Wanna take a look at my Italy blog?  Here it is: http://stephonitaly.blogspot.com/

Jars on the counter. Count every one.

Summer of 2011. Jay and I took an entire day and canned 37 jars of salsa, plum jam, cherry jam and strawberry jam.  

When I would talk to my mimi on the phone - she lived in Mississippi and I lived in Oklahoma/California/Texas, and she would always tell me what she accomplished that day.  She kept track of how many pages she had read, how many bags of leaves she had raked and how many flowers she had distributed to the nursing homes. During the summer months, I loved hearing that she put up two dozen quarts of green beans or a dozen jars of muscadine jelly.

I am not sure if I inherited my mimi's production tendencies or if I learned them from her, but there is something to what I call the 'jars on the counter' philosophy.  I think some of us really like to get something done and we like to be able to count what we have done.  We want to measure -- to quantify our accomplishments.  (Be honest -- have you ever written something on your list that you have already done just so you could mark it out?!)  There is something in me that wants to be productive.

Life is art. They said so in Ireland. And Just Say 'NO' to Paperclips

A goal I am completely committed to: I will never buy another paper clip.  And probably no one needs to buy another paper clip. Ever.  I don't want to be responsible for paper clip factory workers losing their jobs, but since we are using less and less paper and since I see paper clips cluttering workspaces and distracting my attention... I must say that paper clips should be discontinued. 

Walking alone

A soul that sees beauty may sometimes walk alone. ~Johan Von Goeth

And I may not walk every path alone, but I take comfort in the idea that walking some paths alone is right and good.