I have been divorced for 22 years. It's been so long since I divorced, that I hardly think about it any more. But during the declining years of my first marriage and the first several years following the divorce, I struggled with guilt and shame for failing to maintain the commitment I had pledged. About three years after the divorce, I was reading in the Old Testament about how Moses was the judge of all the issues the Israelites brought to him. It grew to be too much for him to manage the entire judicial system of Israel, so he set up smaller 'courts' for other judges to manage. But special cases were taken to Moses for ruling.
There are several external factors that lead to the divorce, but in my heart I felt rejected. Ultimately rejected. And now as I reflect back on that marriage, I never felt the level of love and acceptance and confidence that I have in the marriage I share with Jay. My hope and prayer is that my children will benefit from growing up in this positive family and that - if they marry -- they will be part of successful and happy marriages themselves.
As I thought through my divorce, I found comfort in considering that while fundamentalists expected me to stay in that marriage regardless of the 'external circumstances,' God had heard my special case and He understood. Even though it still felt tragic, I also felt absolved.
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