21 Years - that's a long time to be married!

That is a long time to be married, and with some luck and more blessings and determination, I bet we make it another 21 years.

Sometimes it bothers me when I think of all the days I have forgotten - all the quiet but beautiful events in a day that kind of fade away after a year or after 20 years. But I have a few vivid snapshot memories from my wedding day on September 1, 1990.

My first memory is of the early morning when I was getting ready to go to the church. I awakened before Grandmother, and I went into her bathroom so I could take a shower instead of a tub bath. As I showered and contemplated all of the implications of the day, I became overwhelmed. I worried that I wasn't 'marriage material' and that this might be a huge mistake. I worried about guilt because I felt so guilty for being divorced. I worried about Scott and his world changing to include an additional father figure. Well, with all of that thinking I turned into a puddle of tears and was still sniffling when I left the bathroom. I thought Grandmother was still asleep, but she wasn't. She sat up in bed and held her arms out to me. I went and sat on the edge of the bed and just cried like crazy. She didn't ask me to explain or talk - she just started praying. She prayed for me and for my calmness of spirit. She prayed for me to be the wife I wanted to be. She prayed for Jay and his strength and leadership in our new family. She prayed for Scott and for his security and value. She prayed for our future children. She prayed for all the wedding guests, the minister, the organist...She prayed for love and strength to surround us on our wedding day and each day therafter. After the Amen and the hug, I was ready.

My other Sept 1,1990 memories? I remember slipping into the church kitchen to take another peek at my beautiful flowers and finding Jay there. He hugged me and told me that no matter how nervous he was about a wedding that he was NOT nervous about marrying me. He loved me.

I also remember that while my Aunt Mak sang the Prayer of St Francis of Assissi, I cried again. (I can be so sappy.) The tear trickled down my cheek, but Jay and I were facing each other and he touched my cheek and wiped the tears from my face. The 'awe...' was audible from the congregation and we laughed.

I am glad our anniversary occurred during my 50 Days Befor 50 blog so that I could write about it.